Tammy ‘Kaia’ Bruski, MS, LPC, CST
4 Steps to Reigniting the Spark
When you fall in love with someone new, it's exciting to experience the fireworks that comes from getting to know each other with added sexual attraction and chemistry. This first phase in a relationship is often referred as NRE or 'new relationship energy', and it generally lasts for up to six months.
Love connections naturally change and grow over time. It's common to see couples get stuck in their same routines with work, family and other responsibilities, and neglect the time and effort it takes to maintain physical and emotional intimacy. If your relationship begins to feel stale and dull, it's probably time to spice things up in and out of the bedroom. You may need to address unresolved conflicts in your relationship if they prevent you from wanting to be more intimate as a friend and lover.
1. Spend some time together talking about your romantic and sexual fantasies.
There is nothing wrong with the missionary position, but there is a whole lot more to explore in terms of you and your partner's sexual relationship. It can be fun, and even seductive, to openly talk about what turns you on, and what you think might turn you on, but have never tried before... whether it's trying new sexual positions, introducing novelty sex toys, or sharing unspoken fetishes.
2. Express fondness and attraction for your partner.
Giving a little time and effort in reconnecting to what made you fall in love with your partner in the first place is important if you've lost sight of that. Genuine compliments, affectionate words and gestures, and sexy talk can bridge the gap of distance and bring you closer together. It might simply start with welcoming your partner with a kiss when they get home, surprising your partner with a favorite bottle of wine and making a picnic on the living room floor, playing nostalgic songs, or visiting an old haunt with good memories.
3. Do a little research for some new ideas in and out of the bedroom.
Read up on various approaches that people take with their sex life, and apply those things that might appeal to you and your partner. Try and think outside of the box- maybe if even a little bit. There are many great books and online websites that can give you creative ideas, like the Kama Sutra or The Ultimate Sex Guide for Couples. Attend a couples retreat or tantric sex workshop to work with a community dedicated to sexual health and well-being.
4. Schedule a regular date night and stick to it.
Yes I've heard many times that scheduling a date or sex seems like the most unromantic thing to do, but I disagree and here's why.. Life can get very busy and it's easy to get sidetracked with meeting its demands. Scheduling regular dates makes your relationship a top priority, giving you uninterrupted time to be close and present with each other. Make sure you turn off phones and focus on your lover.